When I was only three years old, I knew that people shouldn’t be compared to other people. My mom told me.
The story goes that I drew on the wall with my crayons. I really can’t remember if I knew beforehand that I wasn’t supposed to. But my mom was frustrated as she was attempting to clean it up and she said to me. “Jimmy (my older brother) NEVER did things like this.”
Sassy as I always was, I replied, “well that’s him and this is me!”
My mom said she felt remorseful at that moment because she knew she should not have been comparing us and she didn’t do that anymore.
At only three, my words carried more wisdom than I could have known. But then kindergarten came, and I let the world change me, because I didn't know any better.
First, I had never really been around kids who were mean to me before that. But when they called me names, I at first was shocked and over time just believed what they said, and would spend years trying to be different.
I vividly remember how proud I was to have my brother’s old Incredible Hulk lunch box. I had ASKED to take it because I loved the Hulk. But then, the kids around me laughed about my boys lunch box. And I went home angry saying I had a boys lunch box and I needed my mom to get me a girls lunch box.
I think back to this and wish I had my three year old sass that would have just told them I liked my lunch box and could have whatever lunch box I chose. But when we are young and surrounded by our peers, we want so desperately to fit in….to be accepted. I guess it's rooted in our tribal history, from what I have heard and read. So in school, we learn to compare ourselves with everyone else. I began to think if I could just be like this classmate, or that girl in the other class, I would be good enough then. If only I was as pretty or smart as so and so.
By the time fifth grade came, I was certain that my mom had to let me pick my own clothes, get my hair done right, and whatever else I could do to make myself fit with my peers. I had to be cool. But by the age of 13 I thought I would never be enough for anyone to really love me and had to work through my first round of depression with a counselor because I dreamed of ending my life. This is what comparison brought me to, and I worry that in this day and age, it must be so much worse for young girls doing social media. And probably for boys too.
Don’t we work for a lifetime to free ourselves from the comparison trap? Maybe some of us are still trying to as adults. If it’s something adults have to work on in the era of constantly viewing everyone’s highlight reels of vacations, new cars, new homes, fancy dinners, etc, what must our teenagers feel like when they are being raised in the digital world?
Aren’t these such wise words? It's one of my favorite quotes because I know it's the truth. If we compare our success, or even our problems, with that of others, it will leave us feeling bad. So what if someone else achieved something? We are no less valuable because our life looks different. My sweet mother never thought she did enough to make a real impact in the world. But everyone who ever knew her was impacted by her kindness shown in small acts of love. By Kingdom standards, she was successful.
God made everyone different because he wanted diversity. That’s why people are different shades and shapes, and all have different gifts. God is not boring and wouldn’t want to create a boring world, so He made us to each stand out in our own ways. You are who you are meant to be. I have had to stop myself repeatedly from thinking about why I couldn't achieve things at the level of others. That's their story. God is writing a different one for me and something else for you.
I wish I knew when I was young what I know now. The only opinion of me that is the truth is the one God has of me. And because of Jesus, I am perfect in the sight of God. There is nothing I have to do to receive that, and nothing you have to do. The free gift of salvation we get from Jesus also makes us the righteousness of God in this world, so we are seem without fault. (2 Corinthians 5:21)
And since we are loved beyond measure, we should be proud of whatever we have to contribute to this world in partnership with God. Being a child of the One True King means there is enough to go around for everyone. Don't look at anyone's success and think you can never succeed. Yours just might look different than theirs. And don't feel bad about yourself because you were sad over your problems and someone else you know has it worse than you. God is big enough to handle all our emotions. I have come to believe that all we need to do in this life is nurture the gifts we have, and share whatever we have with the world. That's how we all make a difference, and let's be sure to do it all for an audience of One.
